Having read the “Principle and Foundation” and discussed the
First Week of his Spiritual Exercises
these past few days, Ignatius has managed to turn my whole world on its head –
and from 500 years in the past, no less. It’s not that he writes some new, groundbreaking
theory or anything (although, for his time, that may have been the case).
Ignatius really just takes the ancient Greek adage “Know thyself” and runs with
it to an extent most people don’t encounter in their daily lives.
One of the main theses Ignatius introduces in his Principle
and Foundation is the notion of “indifference.” This isn’t just a lack of
concern – like one might be indifferent to the shade of white her or his house
is painted – but, rather, an avoidance of extremes in one direction or another.
When I read this, the thought that repeatedly popped up in my mind was
Siddhartha Gautama’s “middle way;” probably because I took a class in Buddhism
last semester, but considering he lived over two millennia before Ignatius,
maybe the former influenced the latter just a wee bit.
And this is where my world gets all topsy-turvy, because Ignatius calls us to contemplate our own extremes in life: our addictions, false gods, denials, hatreds, etc. Try this out for yourself and you’ll quickly realize that midterms are not the most opportune time to be questioning your notion of “good” and “bad” practices.
So in order to try to make sense of all the thoughts
swirling around in my head, I thought I’d jot them down on virtual paper, along
with where I am in my “indifference” and what I might be able to do in hopes of
attaining it.
Health:
I only mentioned this in passing, so you may have missed it
(Fr. “Hawk-Eye” Dziak didn’t), but I truly wish that I’ll never have to play the
staring game with death. Scientists have already identified the mortality gene
in earthworms, so there’s still an iota of hope, but in all practicality, I
realize that it’ll happen sooner or later (though, hopefully later). To that
end, I try to take good care of my body, though perhaps to a fault. I spend at
least an hour exercising each day, five days a week, which I think is a pretty
reasonable amount – I’m not sitting on the couch 24/7, nor am I spending half
my life on the treadmill. I also keep a strict diet, which some may consider a
little too strict. I’ll admit that sometimes it prevents me from partaking in
certain festivities with friends, but if we’re going out to eat or something, I
can usually just order a salad. I also make it a point to get around eight
hours of sleep each night, which similarly prevents me from going out with
friends sometimes. In reality, though, many of my friends get more than eight
hours of sleep on the days they go out, they just happen to move those hours to
the afternoon.
Diagnosis: Terminal, but as far as addictions go, this is
pretty mild.
Treatment: Take a day off from counting calories and minutes
of REM sleep and enjoy life every now and then. A little trans fat and
late-night ruckus does the soul good.
Indifference: 4/5
Fear of Failure:
Another topic already discussed here, so I won’t go into too much detail. My need for control often spills over into my decision-making process. I.e., if I have the option between doing something where I would be under someone else’s supervision and something else where I would be independent, I’m sure as heck not going to let someone hold power over me. Plus, part of this whole ego trip I went on a couple weeks ago has to do with my pride. I don’t really care one way or another if I do something embarrassing or dumb, but I hate failing, and it’s just made all the worse when I have to report the failure to a superior.
Diagnosis: Yeah, this one’s something I definitely need to
work on.
Treatment: For one thing, realize that there’s nothing wrong
with being led. Everyone has someone else above them, going all the way up to
God, and once you start trying to control God, you’re in for a world of pain.
Most importantly, though, don’t be afraid to fail! After all, when Edison was asked
how he felt about his 1000 failed attempts at a light bulb, he allegedly said,
“I have not failed 1000 times. I have successfully discovered 1000 ways to NOT
make a light bulb.”
Indifference: 1/5
Monetary Success:
When I first decided to become an engineer, a large part of the impetus was to be able to support my future family. However, at the moment at least, success and money have become essentially one and the same, and both are the end, not just the means. Part of this is surely because my future family doesn’t exist yet, but all the same I’ve lost sight of what my goal once was. I am starting to move away from my laser-focused fixation on career success and take classes that I enjoy, but the greater part of my academic work is still in areas conducive to money making.
Diagnosis: Showing signs of improvement, but some therapy is
still necessary.
Treatment: Devote more time to the things you love to do.
You never know, often times success comes from doing what one enjoys.
Indifference: 3/5
These are the first ones that came to mind, but there are
PLENTY of others, I can assure you. What do y’all think, is there hope for me
yet? Feel free to comment on how accurate you think I analyzed myself, or if
there are any areas in your own life that you find yourself struggling to balance.
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